don’t be a jerk

It was Blue’s birthday on Friday. I went to his apartment to celebrate the fact that he’s older than me. hehe.
 
During the party, I took a picture of his dog, Summit. Here it is:

 
Goddam, you can almost see the speech-bubble coming out of her head.
 
Unless you are Blue, Leanore, or, apparently, Blue’s sister, expect to receive this look from the dog if you ever visit. Oh, and if you do visit, don’t shake Blue’s hand. Apparently Summit finds that unacceptable and will try to kill you. I’m serious. Summit has a lot of baggage.
 
***
 
At the party I ate and drank and even partook in a little of the green stuff, which I’m really not that into (I usually prefer to binge drink, thankyouverymuch). But someone said that it was Humbolt so I figgered that I have to try it. But then again, that’s kinda like saying, “I don’t like crack cocaine. It’s not really my thing, but this is some primo shit from DC…”
 
Anyhow, this is seriously what was going through my head for the rest of the party:
 
Oh my god. Crackers and cheese are soooo good.
 
Oh my god. Crackers and cheese and mustard are sooo good! I am so completely into crackers and cheese and mustard. Hey look! Grapes.
 
Oh my god. Grapes are fucking awesome. Crackers and cheeze ain’t nuthin’. Grapes is where it’s at. I am so into these grapes.
 
Why the hell is Angela laughing at me?
 
Hey wait a minute…all my senses are enhanced. Whatever I’m eating at the time becomes my absolute favorite food until I try something else…
 
Wow, this is deep. This is totally a metaphor for something.
 
(Spends next half hour trying to figure out what the metaphor is before giving up.)
(Looks at watch. Finds out that only four minutes has actually passed.)
 
I wonder how much of this I’ve been saying out loud?
 
Seriously, why the hell is Angela laughing at me?
Hey wow, plain mustard tastes pretty fucking good too.
 
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Blake Haney, I have no idea who you are, but you linked me at one point so I’m linking you. Hope things are well in Florida.